Caroline the Ballerina
by mitch1
Summary: This story is about Caroline’s introduction to ballet.
1. Caroline the Ballerina

**Caroline the Ballerina**

Written by Mitch

Email: mitch_work1@yahoo.com

Rating: G

Genre: General

Chapters: 5

Summary: This story is about Caroline's introduction to ballet.

Author's notes: This is the second in a series of mini-stories and stories about Caroline's past, based on references from the series. A common thread is pen pal Anke van Sant (introduced in "Caroline's First Crush"), a foreign student Caroline writes to for a grade school assignment, who becomes a lifelong friend. You can read this without having read "Caroline's First Crush" first, but there is an introduction to Caroline's pen pal, as well as one reference to an incident in CFC within this story. A special thanks to Eliza for the innumerable things she's done to help with this story. Characters' thoughts are written in _italics_.

Chapter 1

Margaret Duffy was holding eight year old Caroline's hand and walking down the sidewalk in the middle of Peshtigo. "Are you sure you want to start ballet, Caroline? There's gonna be a lot of practice. If you start, I have to pay for ten classes. I don't want you to start and then whine to me about quitting after two."

"I won't Mom. Sally said it's gonna be fun, she's gonna be taking the class."

"Well, alright then." They stopped at the studio. The door had painted on its front "Peshtigo School of Ballet". They entered the well lit room and looked around. It had a hardwood floor and brick walls painted white. Along the right wall, there was floor to head level mirror ten feet in width. Along the left wall were several large windows, with heavy red drapes tied open. Along both sides and the front (except at the door), a wooden pole ran the length of the walls, parallel to the ground, three feet off the floor and six inches from the walls. On a bulletin board on the front wall were posted class rules, pictures of previous classes, and photos of several famous dancers. 

Several aluminum folding chairs were set up on the far side. No classes were going on at the time, but a couple girls, a few years older than Caroline, were practicing some dance steps. To the right, by the entrance, a trim 30-ish woman stood up from the desk at which she was sitting, and extended her hand.

"Hi. I'm Miss Morgan, the instructor for the class" she said as she and Margaret shook hands.

"Well, hello. I'm Margaret Duffy and this is my daughter, Caroline. We're here to register for your beginners' ballet class."

Miss Morgan stooped slightly towards Caroline. "Hi Caroline. I hope you'll have fun in my class."

Caroline turned her head to look at the other girls, smiled, and turned her head back. "I think I will."

"That's what I like, a positive attitude. Caroline, I see you're interested in watching the other girls practice. Why don't you watch them while I take care of some business with your mother."

"Okay" replied little Caroline.

As Caroline moved to watch the older girls practice, her mother began to speak to the instructor. "Caroline has never tried anything like this before, I'm not sure if she has any aptitude. I think she just wants to be in the class because her friend Sally is taking it."

"That's okay, Mrs. Duffy. Very few girls ever make it to prima ballerina. What I hope to do is instill a love of music and dance in my girls. If I can do that, they'll receive a lifetime of enjoyment. As far as practical benefits go, even if Caroline never dances professionally or even as a principal in a school play, she'll have the increased balance, poise, and grace she'll acquire from learning ballet, not to mention the discipline that learning it requires."

"Okay, you've convinced me. Where do I sign up?" Margaret responded.

"Here are the forms, Mrs. Duffy. As you fill them out, but before you sign, let me explain a few things. You pay for all ten classes of a term in advance. Once Caroline attends the first class, the money is not refundable."

"I heard that. That's why I want to make sure Caroline sticks with it, for at least awhile." She smiled at Miss Morgan. "At least I know the teacher won't drive her away."

Miss Morgan smiled back. "Thank you, Mrs. Duffy… What grade does Caroline attend in school, Mrs. Duffy?"

"Third. Why?"

The teacher picked up a sheaf of copied handout papers. "I'll give her the handout aimed at younger students, third grade and below. It shows the basic foot and arm positions, contains most of the ballet terms, as well as helpful hints on grooming and eating. We can be more productive during lessons if the girls are familiar with what we're trying to accomplish. Then we can spend more time during lessons actually physically practicing and correcting positions and movements. Also, there are clothing requirements" she said, as she pointed to page four. "Some are just for comfort, others are required to protect their young bodies."

Margaret read the list. "Okay, that won't be a problem."

Miss Morgan continued "Hair must be off the neck and securely pinned so that the neck line can be seen. Oh… I find it very useful if all clothing is labeled. It's hard to tell the difference between items."

"Alright then. That all sounds reasonable. Here you go." Margaret handed the filled out forms back to Miss Morgan.

"Thank you. You can bring the check with you to the first class, which will be next Tuesday at 3:30. Make it out to the "Peshtigo School of Ballet"."

While her mother had been talking to Miss Morgan, young Caroline watched with intense curiosity the older girls practicing. Caroline had never had an older female that she had patterned herself after. She had no older sisters. Her mother had always been… well, just Mom, the warm, caring, but commanding adult authority figure. Her playmates and friends were all girls her own age, still children.

While they practiced, the girls were a silent study of intense concentration. There was none of the noisy silliness Caroline and her friends always exhibited during their playtime. Their steps and arm movements appeared simple – but when she watched closely, Caroline could see they were anything but. Only the ease with which they performed the steps made it appear simple. The physicality of their actions, the grace and poise with which they performed jetés (jumps) and pirouettes (spins) deeply impressed Caroline. When the two stopped their practice to discuss some moves, Caroline turned and became interested by some pictures posted on the bulletin board.

As Mrs. Duffy turned to collect Caroline and go home, she saw her standing by the bulletin board.

"Who're they?" Caroline asked as she pointed to a black and white photograph.

Miss Morgan walked over to join Caroline. "They're Suzanne Farrell and Rudolf Nureyev, two wonderful dancers with the New York City Ballet."

"And her?"

"That's Gelsey Kirkland, prima ballerina with the American Ballet Theatre."

"She's so pretty! And who's he, he looks like he's flying!"

"That's Mikhail Baryshnikov. He does look like he's flying, doesn't he?"

Mrs. Duffy interrupted "C'mon Caroline. It's time to go home. You can look at the pictures again on Tuesday."

"Okay Mom."

Young Caroline's interest had been sparked.


	2. Caroline the Ballerina Chapter 2

**Caroline the Ballerina**

Chapter 2

After school that next Tuesday, Caroline excitedly ran home from school. That day was to be Caroline's first lesson at the Peshtigo School of Ballet. She put on her sleeveless navy leotard, her ballet ankle socks, and her soft ballet shoes with elastic. She was waiting for her mother by the entryway when her best friend Sally walked in, dressed in a similar manner. They both bounced up and down, excited.

"Our first day!" exclaimed Caroline.

"I know! I can't believe it, we're gonna be ballerinas!" exclaimed Sally.

"Are you girls ready to go?" asked Margaret, Caroline's mother.

"Yeah!!" both answered simultaneously.

******

Caroline, Sally, and six other girls of the same age and similarly attired were sitting on aluminum folding chairs in front of the teacher in the "Peshtigo School of Ballet".

"Hello, class. My name is Miss Morgan. I'll be your ballet teacher for this class. I see your mothers made sure that you are all appropriately dressed, that's a good start. Now, did you all get a chance to look at the handout I gave to your mothers when you registered?"

The girls all nodded and responded "Yes, Miss Morgan."

"Good. Now, I don't expect that you've memorized or mastered the material yet, that's what this class is for. I just wanted you to become familiar with the basic positions and terms, so we can get straight to work while we're in class. I have a question for you all. Now, raise your hands – after reading the material about the foot and arm positions and ballet terms, how many of you think ballet is boring? Raise your hands now."

At first, nobody raised their hand. After a few seconds of checking the other girls, Sally slowly raised her hand. This gave Caroline courage and she reluctantly raised her hand also. Another girl followed suit and raised her hand, too. Soon, all eight girls had their hands raised.

Miss Morgan scanned her wards and smiled. "Good! I'm glad I have a class full of young ladies brave enough to tell the truth!" All the girls started to giggle, more from relief than anything. "You're right. If what you read in that handout was all there is to ballet, then it would be boring. But there's so much more to ballet than that… Now raise your hands again – how many of you like to read stories?"

With more enthusiasm this time, all the girls raised their hands. Miss Morgan pointed to Caroline. "Alright… Caroline, isn't it?" Caroline nodded. "What stories do you like to read?"

"I like to read Nancy Drew."

"Ahh… Nancy Drew, plucky young detective… Tell me, Caroline, do you remember back in first grade when you learned your ABC's?" Caroline nodded again. "It took awhile to learn, didn't it? And though your teacher tried to make it interesting by putting it to a song _'A B C D E F G, H I J K L M N O P…'_ it really wasn't all that interesting was it? I was just something that you had to do, right? But if you didn't learn your letters, you couldn't learn to read words. And if you couldn't read words, no "Nancy Drew", right…? So… how many of you are glad you learned your ABC's?"

Again with great enthusiasm, all the girls' hands shot up.

"Good, good. Now, the basic foot and arm positions are like letters. Every ballet step and jump starts and ends from one of these positions. The steps and jumps are like words. Put a combination of steps and jumps together and you have a dance. But, that's not all there is to ballet. Have any of you seen a ballet, either live or on TV?"

Betty spoke up "My mom and dad took me to Milwaukee last Christmas, we saw "The Nutcracker"."

"Ah, "The Nutcracker", probably the most popular of all ballets. Tell me Betty, besides dance, what else was there at the ballet?"

"Music… and pretty costumes!"

"Yes, that's right, Betty. Ballet is like a book, it's supposed to tell a story. Dance, which you're here to learn, is part of the story. But when it's done well, dance is used to interpret the music, to tell a story. The fact that you get to wear beautiful costumes while doing it is another plus. Now, I won't be in costume, but if everyone is good and puts forth honest effort this afternoon, I'll do a little dance for you, to show you what you have to look forward to. Would you all like that?"

"Yeah!!" they all responded.

"Okay! Now… who knows what the pole on the walls around the room is called?" Sally raised her hand. "Okay, Sally, tell the class what it's called."

"It's called the barre."

"That's right, Sally. I can tell you paid attention to the handout." Sally beamed at the compliment. "The barre is used to help us keep our balance or to support us as we do our stretches or as we try out new positions. Why don't we all get up and go to the barre so that we can practice our positions."

All the girls got up and lined up next to the barre.

"Alright girls, let's try foot position 1: Left and right heels together, feet out to either side, in a straight line." Miss Morgan walked down the line and inspected their positions. "Caroline, right foot out a little further, make it a straight line."

"I'm sorry" young Caroline apologized, as she moved her right foot to angle it straight out.

"Don't be sorry. You're here to learn. You're all here to learn… Good, very good… Now, from this position, you're going to do a knee bend, called a plié in ballet. First a demi-plié, a shallow bend. Slowly go as far down as you can, without lifting your heels from the floor… Okay, good… Now a grand plié, a deep bend. Your heels will lift from the floor, don't worry, that's expected. Go down as far as you can, until your thighs are almost horizontal, if you can. Hold on to the barre if you need to. Slowly, slowly… Very good! Now, back up. Congratulations! You just did what every ballerina does to start her practice, even the prima ballerinas. Even the best know how important simple stretches are. Once we've mastered these, then we'll add on the second part to our classes: Adage, or slow work, where we get into positions and try to sustain them, emphasizing our balance. And once we've mastered that, then we'll add a third part to our classes: Allegro, or fast work, where we practice faster steps, jumps, and turns. They're like words for our stories."

"And then we can dance?" asked Sally.

Miss Morgan smiled at her pupil's eagerness. "Yes Sally. Then you can dance… Alright, foot position 2: Same as position 1, but move the heels a foot apart…"

******

A few months later, Caroline and Sally were in Caroline's bedroom…

"So, what do you wanna do now?" asked little Caroline.

"Let's play 'ballerina'!" Sally cried out.

"Okay!"

Both girls stripped off their jeans and put on their ballet shoes. They knew they needed to stretch, even before playing, so they did pliés (knee bends) from all five positions.

"I'll start!" said Sally.

"Okay."

Sally thrust her left leg back, put her arms up, and stood as best she could on the ball of her right foot. "Look! I'm Suzanne Farrell!"

Caroline scoffed and kidded Sally "You only want to be Suzanne Farrell because you want Rufolf Nureyev to hold you."

Sally smiled, shakily held her pose, and half-heartedly denied it "That's not true."

Caroline then mocked "Yeah… you wanna be within **kissing** distance!" She then puckered her lips at Sally, produced a succession of smacking sounds, and started giggling uncontrollably.

The laughter was infectious and Sally broke her pose. In mock anger she cried "I'm gonna get you!" She grabbed the nearest pillow and started chasing Caroline. Since the bedroom was small, she soon cornered Caroline and swung and hit her. "Gotcha!" she laughed.

Caroline, in retaliation, grabbed another pillow, swung and hit Sally back. "Gotcha back!" she screeched.

 "So, I suppose you wouldn't want to be Suzanne Farrell, dancing with Nureyev?" asked Sally.

"No… I'd rather be Gelsey Kirkland… dancing with Mikhail Baryshnikov!" The both started giggling.

"Okay, okay. My turn" said Caroline. She stretched a little, then assumed a position similar to Sally's. "Look! I'm Gelsey Kirkland!"

Sally taunted Caroline "So… Gelsey… wouldn't you rather be kissing Mikhail instead of dancing with him?"

Caroline started smiling, but didn't respond.

Seeing Caroline smile, Sally taunted her even more. "Ummmm… I'm gonna tell Jesse Dawson you wanna kiss Baryshnikov!"

Caroline replied "Go ahead… he's only my boyfriend 'cause I won him from Connie Reynolds in a game of jacks!" Caroline broke her pose and both girls screeched and giggled.

"Oh Caroline, I hope ballet is always gonna be this much fun."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

******

At the end of another lesson, Miss Morgan addressed the class. "Class, I'm really proud of all the progress you've been making. Before you get your coats and leave, I have an announcement to make. There haven't been many movies made that contain ballet sequences, but on Thursday night an older movie, "The Red Shoes", one of the best, is being aired. First of all, how many of you can get the Green Bay public station, channel 38, as well as channel 2?"

Half of the eight girls, including Caroline, raised their hands.

"Well, you girls ask your parents if you can stay up late and watch the movie. It's on channel 38, it starts at eight, and last a little longer than most movies, until 10:15. I think you'll enjoy the dancing – and it's an excellent movie as well. For you girls that can't get channel 38 – ask your parents for permission to watch with a classmate… Well, that's it for this afternoon, girls. See you next week."

"Bye, Miss Morgan" all the girls responded.

A little later, as they stood outside in their coats waiting for Mrs. Duffy, Caroline asked her friend Sally "So… you gonna ask your mom if you can come over Thursday night?"

"That depends" Sally smiled. "Whatcha havin' for dinner?"

"Oh you!" Caroline punched Sally on the arm and both girls giggled.

******

Both girls having gotten permission from their parents, Caroline and Sally were in the Duffy family room Thursday night, watching "The Red Shoes". The story was a classic one of love and betrayal. Boris Lermontov, crusty but devoted to his art, manager of the famed Lermontov Ballet Company, hired two unknown, but talented youngsters, Victoria, a ballerina, and Julian, a composer. Lermontov, impressed by Julian's ability, asked him to compose a new ballet for his company, "The Red Shoes", but was stunned when his lead ballerina announced that she was leaving ballet to be married. Lermontov regarded ballet with the highest importance in life and looked at love with disdain. He offered the lead to Victoria, which led to a spectacular 20 minute ballet sequence in the middle of the movie. Great fame and fortune seem in store for them all… but this being a movie, romantic complications intrude. Victoria fell in love with Julian. He wanted to marry, wanted Victoria to be a wife and mother. She would still being able to dance, but only occasionally. When an outraged Lermontov discovered their romance, he demanded she choose: career or family. Victoria chose love. Lermontov, owning the rights to "The Red Shoes", refused permission for Victoria to perform it again and her career crumbled.

As the program ended, Margaret Duffy told the girls "Alright girls. I'm going to back the car out so I can take Sally home. Get bundled up and meet me in the driveway, Sally. Caroline, get ready for bed."

"Alright, Mom" Caroline replied as her mother left.

As Sally put on her coat and shoes, she asked Caroline "So Caroline, what would you do? Be a famous prima ballerina or marry Julian?"

Even at this young age, Caroline exhibited the traits that would cause her difficulties later in life: Her inability to tell people 'no' and her difficulty in making decisions.

"Oh, I couldn't give up dancing" answered Caroline.

"But you'd be breaking Julian's heart, who really loves you and wants to marry you."

After thinking about it, Caroline replied "You're right, Sally. I'd marry Julian."

"But you'd be disappointing Mr. Lermontov and giving up your career."

After thinking about it some more, this time Caroline replied "You're right, Sally. I'd continue dancing."

Frustrated with her friend's indecision, Sally stated "Caroline! You can't do both!"

Equally frustrated with having to make a decision, Caroline replied "Oh Sally… I'd find a way… You'd better go… Bye, see you tomorrow in school."

"Bye Caroline" Sally said as she walked out the door.


	3. Caroline the Ballerina Chapter 3

**Caroline the Ballerina**

Chapter 3

It was May, a month before third grade ended for Caroline and Sally. Seven months after their first lesson, the girls were about to give their first public performance. They were dressed in identical white tutus, both of them members of the corps de ballet. Every year towards the end of the school year, Miss Morgan's students of all ages got together and rehearsed for a performance at the Peshtigo High School auditorium. That year, they were to perform excerpts from the classic "Swan Lake". After many months of hard work, getting to dress up and perform for their parents and friends was the highlight of the year for the students, none more so than Caroline.

But mixed with Caroline's excitement was quite a bit of nervousness. She tended to freeze under high pressure situations. Caroline swallowed hard as she remembered the Wisconsin state spelling bee a couple of months back. After that disaster, most of the kids at school had started calling her 'Caroline Doofy'. Caroline closed her eyes, bit her lip, and started breathing deeply, trying to relax.

Sally looked at her friend and could almost read her mind. Touching her arm, she said "I know what you're thinking… all the kids'll be watching, waitin' for 'Doofy' to freeze. But don't worry, Caroline. We've rehearsed so much, we can do this dance in our sleep. And if you forget anything, just follow my lead. Anyway, nobody's expecting much from us. Everyone's eyes will be on Lee – she's dancing Odette. We're just members of the corps and we'll only be on for a few minutes. No one will even notice us, unless we flub really badly. You'll see – it's gonna be fun!"

Caroline smiled at Sally. _"That Sally - She always knows just what to say."_ She eyed Miss Morgan walking from the wings to onstage. "Look! It's almost show time!"

Miss Morgan stepped in front of the closed curtains to the mike to address the audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: Thank you for attending this year's performance by the Peshtigo School of Ballet." She paused briefly for a smattering of applause. "This year, we will be performing scenes from the classic ballet "Swan Lake". "Swan Lake" is based on a German fairy tale about a beautiful princess, Odette, who is turned into a swan, along with her friends, by an evil magician. Every midnight, they become human again for a few hours. One night, she is discovered by Prince Siegfried, who falls in love and promises to rescue her. On a later night, there is a ball in Siegfried's castle, at which he is to choose a bride. The magician's daughter, dressed as a black swan, appears looking exactly like Odette. Siegfried declares that she will be his bride – only to see Odette later entering the ball. Crushed, she rushes off back to her lake. Siegfried gives chase and finds a sad Odette there. That's where our dance tonight will start. In some versions, there is a tragic ending: Just after Odette forgives Siegfried, the magician conjures up a storm which drowns them. We'll be dancing the happy ending: Siegfried fights the magician and breaks the spell. Tonight, our prize student, Lee Stillwell will be dancing the role of Odette… Ladies and gentlemen, scenes from "Swan Lake"."

The curtains opened to polite applause. The younger girls were circled around Lee, posing, arms outstretched. The circle slowly opened, 'Odettee' began her dance.

_"Step, step, step, cross, bow, hold…"_ At first, Caroline was nervous, but she had rehearsed so many times, in class and in her mind, that her 'muscle memory' started to take over. She smiled at Sally. _"Sally was right. This **is** easy… and fun!"_ Caroline glanced at Lee. _"Wow! She's on pointe. Miss Morgan doesn't allow us on our tiptoes, only on the balls of our feet."_ Then Caroline noticed something more, beyond the more advanced positions and movements. Lee's face… her whole body… her every movement expressed sadness…

"Psss… Caroline! You're out of step!" whispered Sally.

Caroline quickly got back in step… and then, almost before they knew it, their part of the dance was over. Caroline and Sally quietly giggled and briefly hugged each other.

A few minutes later, the entire dance had finished. The curtains lowered, loud applause could be heard.

"Alright girls!" Miss Morgan commanded, clapping her hands for attention. "Back on stage! Take your bows, you've earned it."

Caroline, Sally, and the rest of the corps de ballet returned onstage, behind 'Odette' and 'Seigfried'. The curtains rose and they all bowed together. They finished their bow, Mike gestured to Lee, and the applause thundered even louder. Though she was only basking in the reflected acclaim and glory directed at Lee, young Caroline got a real adrenaline rush. To Caroline, who was the type that wanted everyone to like her, a large building full of applauding people was like heaven. _"Some day that'll be me."_

******

After her performance, Caroline, her parents and brother were walking back to their car.

"We're so proud of you, dear" said Margaret.

"That's right, Puddin'! You were the best" added Fred.

"Yeah…! Which one were you?" asked three year old Chris.

"She was the best one, dear" answered Margaret.

"Oh."

"So, Puddin… Do you think you'll continue dancing next year?"

"Sure, Dad. Why wouldn't I?"

"No offense, honey. But every year you start something and love it, then every year you start something new."

"Well, that won't happen this time, Dad" Caroline replied. _"Or will it?"_


	4. Caroline the Ballerina Chapter 4

**Caroline the Ballerina**

Chapter 4

Nearly four years had passed in Caroline's life. She was in junior high school and like all adolescents, stumbling forward awkwardly into adulthood. As in every new school year ever since she could remember, Caroline had a new interest and a new boyfriend to keep her busy. But since she had started ballet in third grade, one thing had changed. Though she found a new interest each year that excited and occupied her, Caroline didn't discard her interest in ballet. In fact, she had increased her lessons, to three a week. She had mastered the basics and as Caroline's and Sally's young bodies matured, Miss Morgan allowed them to attempt more difficult positions and jumps. Another thing had changed – Caroline had made a new friend two years ago, Anke van Sant, a pen pal, whom she had never met, but to whom she regularly confided her secrets and thoughts.

******

At the post-performance party, the stern Lermantov, head of the ballet troupe, refused to watch Victoria, the eager young ballerina, dance. "Why do you want to dance?" She quickly shot back "Why do you want to live?" Lermantov laughed and nodded his head. "Good enough."

Thirteen year old Caroline was sprawled out in her PJs on the family room floor, head propped up on both hands, facing the TV. As she watched, she silently mouthed the dialog along with actors, having memorized the scene from her favorite ballet movie, "The Red Shoes".

Fred Duffy stood by the entrance to the room watching his daughter and smiled. _"Sometimes she tries to act all grown up, but at times like these, Puddin' can be so cute"_ he thought. "Hey Puddin'. Whatcha watching?"

"The Red Shoes."

"That 30 year old movie on again?"

"Shhhh!!"

"Okay, okay" Fred chuckled as he left the room.

******

"April 4, 1979

Hey Anke,

My favorite ballet movie, "The Red Shoes" was on TV tonight, I just had to watch. It really got me in the mood for the new movie our ballet class is going to next Saturday, "The Turning Point". I say "new", but actually it's almost two years old. They might as well rename Peshtigo to 'Podunk', it takes forever for new movies to reach here. I'm so excited! This is the first PG movie my parents have let me watch. I guess they thought it would be okay, since I'm going with my class and Miss Morgan. I didn't mention that Bobby is also meeting me there. You were so right! A new boyfriend is the best way to get over Coach Beales. I had to force myself to talk to Bobby, but he is so sweet, I forgot all about Coach. Except at volleyball practice and at games, of course.

Your American friend,

Caroline"

******

"April 14, 1979

Hey Anke,

I have a new favorite movie! "The Turning Point" is great, even better than "The Wind and the Lion". Mikhail Baryshnikov… oooh, he is so HOT!!! He played sorta a jerk, chasing anything in a tutu, love 'em and leave 'em type, but I don't care, I know it's just a role in a movie. Don't get me wrong, I still like Sean Connery, but Anke, if you get a chance to see "The Turning Point", you gotta go. Seeing Mikhail in tights alone is worth the price of admission! I've seen pictures of him before and know he's a great dancer. Now that I've seen him actually moving and talking… he's such a **man**! Maybe if I keep improving, I'll dance for him one day. (I know what you're thinking – "Yeah, right"). 

Speaking of men… How are things goin' with you and Bram? Have you finally gotten the nerve to talk to him yet? Gotta get goin', girl!

Your American friend,

Caroline"

******

After her next class, Caroline asked Miss Morgan if they could talk.

"Oh course, Caroline. What's on your mind?"

"After seeing "The Turning Point" last week, I just love Baryshnikov. I want to dance for him and the ABT."

Miss Morgan chuckled. "Wouldn't we all."

"But then I got to thinking, I practice three times a week. I think that my positions, steps, and jumps are improving all the time. But I think there's more… I don't know… do you know what I mean?"

Miss Morgan smiled broadly. "I was hoping I'd hear you ask that one day. You're the most talented student I have. But to be good, really good, you have to be dedicated, be willing to sacrifice. That's why I don't push my girls, that desire has to come from within."

"More than three lessons a week?"

"My gosh, yes. Although the lessons are just a part of it. What you're doing now is good if you just want to enjoy ballet – the exercise and the music. But you have to be good, really good to be a professional – even in the corps de ballet. And if you want to be a prima ballerina, you have to be special. To be the best, eventually you'll have to study with the best. And there're many more dancers than spots, so you'll have to be very competitive. Do you think you can do that?"

"I don't know. Wow, I didn't know it'd be so hard."

"It's also so much more to ballet than technique, although that is an important part of it. You can't just dance. You have to express your emotions through your body. Your job is to tell a story through your dancing."

"That sounds tough."

"Well, Caroline, the good news is that you express your emotions now when you dance. You express your joy, because you love to dance so much. But you need to be able to express different emotions, for each piece of each story. You have to be an actress."

"Me? An actress? I could never do that."

"You'll never know unless you try, will you? But this will be a big commitment. You'd have to eat, drink, and sleep ballet. You should take your time and think about it."

"Okay, I will."

******

This was the biggest decision Caroline would have to make up to this point in her young life. Even with less important decisions, she hemmed and hawed and overanalyzed everything. With something this important, she did it again. And always one to take into consideration the feelings of others, sometimes even to the detriment of her own, Caroline asked her family and friends for their opinions.

******

 "April 18, 1979

Hey Anke,

I know you haven't even gotten my last letter yet, where I talked about my new favorite movie, "The Turning Point". But I'm writing you again as soon as possible, because I have a big decision to make, and I'm asking my family and all my friends about it, and of course I have to include you, my Dutch friend.

I was inspired by the movie to want to be a better dancer, so I asked my teacher, Miss Morgan, about it. She said I have talent, but if I want to go farther, I would have to make a big commitment – excluding a lot of other stuff. So, what do you think?

Your American friend,

Caroline"

******

Bobby was getting some books out of his locker when Caroline came up from behind him and put her arm on his shoulder.

"Hey you."

"Hey, Care" Bobby answered, put his books back in his open locker, and gave his girl a hug and a quick kiss. "What's up?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure, but make it quick. Math is in a few minutes."

"Bobby, I know we haven't been together long, but I like you."

"I like you, too" Bobby answered and gave Caroline another quick kiss.

"I wanted to tell you, I'm thinking about spending more time on ballet."

"More than three times a week?" he asked with a disappointed voice.

"Yeah… What do you think?"

"Well, I like you Care… but if we spend too little time with each other, it'd be like were not even together, you know?" Bobby answered as he gave her a squeeze.

"I know… I know… Well, I haven't decided anything yet… See you later, huh?"

"Sure… Bye" he answered, as he turned to get his books.

******

"Hey Sally!"

"Hey Caroline! What's happening?"

"I talked with Miss Morgan. I'm thinking about getting serious about ballet."

"Really…? So you can dance with Mikhail?" Sally teased.

Reluctantly, Caroline admitted "Well… actually… one day…"

Sally became more sympathetic. "Oh, you know I'm kidding. That would be wonderful if you could actually make it. What would you have to do?"

"Well, I'd have to spend most of my free time on ballet. Not just dancing, but other things to make me a better ballerina."

"Oh" replied a disappointed Sally.

"But Sally, you'd still be my best friend. And we'd still see each other in ballet class, right?"

"But Caroline, even in ballet class…"

"What…?"

"Well… with all your extra practice and study, you'd be ahead of me. We wouldn't be dancing together anymore."

"Well… we'd still be best friends" said Caroline, thinking _"Who never see each other"._

******

"Dad…? Could I ask you something?"

"Sure Puddin', anything."

"I'm thinking about spending more time on ballet. Miss Morgan thinks I may have the talent to be a ballerina, a real one. But I'd have to spend most of my free time doing nothing else. What do you think?"

Fred patted Caroline on the shoulder and said "Puddin', you're growing up. This is probably the first time I can't tell you what's best. You have to figure out what you really want to do and I can't tell you that. I think you're a great dancer, but I have to admit, I'm biased. Whatever you want to do, I'm behind you 100 per cent."

"Thanks, Dad."

******

Caroline saw her little brother Chris walking down the hall. She thought _"Should I… naaaah… Well… why not?"_

"Hey Squirt."

"Hey Sis."

"Squirt, I'm thinkin' of spending a lotta time practicing and studying to become a ballerina, a real one. Whaddya think?"

Chris, who looked up to his big sister, was flattered she even asked. "You can be anything you want!"

Caroline looked at her little brother and for once she wasn't annoyed. She smiled, patted him on the top of his head and tousled his hair. "Thanks, Squirt."

******

Caroline walked into the kitchen, where her mother, Margaret, was cooking dinner.

"Hi Mom. Can I ask you a question?"

"Why of course, dear. What is it?"

"I'm thinking of spending more time practicing and studying ballet. Miss Morgan thinks I have real talent, I may be able to be a real ballerina. But I would have to cut out almost everything else. What do you think?"

Margaret frowned. "Oh honey… are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"I don't know… you don't think I should?"

"Oh dear… being a ballerina is a nice goal, but we have to be practical. How many little girls want to be ballerinas and how many actually make it? If you're very good, but not the best, what kind of life would you have? You'd only be in the chorus line, eking out a living."

"Corps de ballet, mother."

"What?"

"It's the corps de ballet, not the chorus line."

"Whatever… you may be stuck in that corps thing and when you retire you'll be a spinster. You may get stuck in the middle of nowhere, teaching ballet, like poor Miss Morgan. Have you seen her tiny little apartment…? I feel sorry for her. You may not know it yet, but these are your best years. You should enjoy your childhood, have fun while you still can."

"So… you're saying, when you grow up, you can't have fun…? That **you** don't have any fun?"

"Oh, of course I do… sometimes. It's just that when you're an adult, you have so many responsibilities… You'll see when you're a mother and have the job of raising children."

"You think of Chris and me as a job?"

"Oh honey… I love you and your brother more than anything… But you and your brother can be quite a handful… Of course I'd be proud of my little girl dancing in a fancy ballet… if you make it... But what I'm really looking forward to is your wedding and children. Then I can rest and all I'd have to do is have fun spoiling my grandkids!"

******

"Hi Caroline,

I wrote back as quickly as I could. I can't weigh for you the desire to become a ballerina, the odds of it happening, and what you'd have to give up to make the attempt. Only you can. What I do know is, if you really want to do something, and you don't even try, you may wonder "What if…?" and have regrets.

That's why, after I got your letter and thought about it… I actually got up the nerve to go up to Bram and talk to him! And guess what? He's a nice guy! I mean, he didn't act like he thinks about me night and day, like I do about him. But who knows, maybe some day?

We'll have to see how everything works out – for both of us!

Bye

Anke"

******

Caroline was the type that wanted everyone to like her and hated to disappoint anyone. _"Great…"_ thought a frustrated Caroline. _"I asked everyone for advice, but now I'm more confused than ever! What should I do?"_ Caroline sighed.


	5. Caroline the Ballerina Chapter 5

**Caroline the Ballerina**

Chapter 5

Margaret Duffy warily descended the stairs. From her bedroom, she thought she had heard noises, but wasn't sure, so she didn't wake up Fred. If there was a burglar, she wanted to spot him before he spotted her, so she moved silently and didn't turn on the lights... In the dim light, she detected no movement in the entryway or living room. Margaret padded silently through the living room and stuck her head in the dining room... No movement there either... But wait! There was light coming from beneath the door to the kitchen! And she heard a noise! It sounded like... a pan?

"Caroline Duffy!!! What are you doing up at this hour of the night?! You scared me half to death!" 

"Sorry Mom."

Margaret sniffed the air for a second. "Do I smell chocolate chip cookies?"

******

Caroline hurried after school to get to her next ballet lesson earlier than usual. She wanted to talk with Miss Morgan before class.

"Miss Morgan."

"Caroline? You're here early. Have you thought some more about what we talked about?"

Caroline was reluctant to speak. "Uh… well… I… uh…"

"Caroline, you don't have to be bashful with me. Whatever you choose, my feelings won't be hurt. If intense ballet study and practice is best for your life, I'll be happy to help you as much as I can. If you decide it's too much of a burden, well, I've seen cases of burnout, it's not pretty. I have to admit, it's every teacher's dream to have one of their pupils go on to be a star, but you have to do what's right for you."

"I'm – I'm so sorry Miss Morgan. I like ballet, I enjoy performing, but I want to do all those things the other girls do. I don't want to increase my ballet study."

Trying but failing to hold back her tears, Caroline wrapped her arms around Miss Morgan, who responded in kind. Since she was eight, Caroline had always looked up to Miss Morgan as an authority figure – a friendly one, but still an authority figure. Now she also thought of her as an older friend.

Miss Morgan wiped her tears away. "There, there, Caroline… I teach ballet so that music and dance can enrich my student's lives, whether it's just for enjoyment, as a means of expression, or as a path to a successful career. I love all my girls, I want what's best for them."

"I won't stop my ballet studies Miss Morgan, I won't! I love ballet…! And who knows… things may change… I may dance for Baryshnikov yet" Caroline protested, trying to convince herself more than Miss Morgan, but not succeeding.

"Who knows, indeed?" Miss Morgan smiled at Caroline. They both knew that the odds against success, already high, would increase dramatically if she waited until later to devote herself to ballet.

After awhile, Miss Morgan tried to cheer Caroline up by giving her a fake scolding. "Now Miss Duffy, class will begin soon. This crying must stop. It ruins the mood for the class."

Caroline smiled. "Yes, Miss Morgan."

Later, the other students started to file into the studio, and Caroline's smile faded, as melancholy reality set in. Caroline was turning the page on one chapter in her young life… But would she return to it?

**The end**


End file.
